The reactive patterns of our ego or type can also be frustrating and yes, messy.  We could call them patterns of resistance – we want this, not that, am this, not that.  They provide contrast and the fuel for the art of our evolution.  When we allow ourselves to honor the our reactive patterns as the amazing evolutionary survival strategies they are, as part of creation, the ego can be seen as more than an obstacle.  It can be held as the creative medium that helps us grow.  Resistance is the art of the ego.

How we respond to resistance though is a different matter.  I like to step back a bit from the art I’m viewing.  It gives me a better sense of perspective.  Not too far away and not smack up against what I’m looking at.  Then I can notice how I feel and decide how I will respond.   With a kinder approach to ourselves, we actually have more choice and more freedom.  I think that’s what we end up truly wanting anyway.

Our expectations and reality often don’t match.  We have to find the right presents, pick up groceries for our gatherings…the list seems endless.  This year I was thinking how lovely it would be if we gave Presence for presents.  I think it is actually what we all want.  We want to feel the attention, love and presence of those we care about.  We want to feel our own presence.  We want to slow down enough to enjoy one another.

So this is my hope for all of us, that we give and get Presence, along with our presents or even without them, this year.  Happy holidays!

Although we’re learning a ton about the evolution of life and consciousness on this planet, mystery still reigns supreme. We can talk in loose generalities that convey some aspect of deeper truths, but these truths are embedded in the unknown. We are also blessedly embedded in this mystery with others; friends, family, colleagues, acquaintances, and even teachers disguised as enemies are often the bestowers of the gifts needed to strip us naked once again. We are in this together, ever lending the support and challenge required to help us come alive in a new ways. To help us liquify old identities on our evolutionary quest.

It’s through such help that I’ve found myself anew, fresh with possibilities and not-knowing that is a much more delicious way to experience life than from the “I know how things are” attitude. Can I really say I know that this bird murmuration and their miracle of flight is simply “instinct.” What does your heart say when you watch it? Can I really say that mammals don’t think when I watch these clever monkeys?  Really?

So what does this have to do with the Enneagram? The Enneagram is exquisite in its ability to help us understand what makes us and others tick. Unparalleled, in my view, in its ability to help us get to what’s underlying and motivating us to behave in particular ways. And if we’re not careful, we can begin to fix and solidify this knowing, maybe slowly at first, but possibly wiping out the sense of the mystery of life.

The Enneagram at its best, acts as a guide to navigate our inner landscapes and relationships with others. The Enneagram at its worst, can develop a sense of “I know you” or “this is how I am” which can begin to constrict on the evolutionary possibilities that are unknown. What’s trying to be birthed in you?  What’s trying to get birthed in others?  What about our society and culture?

We’ve come so far and who knows what is to come. The Enneagram at its highest good, spurs curiosity, compassion and connectivity. We feel more embedded in the mystery with our good friends (of all flavors) at our side, with our beautiful planet beneath our feet, and with the miraculous universe(s) at our heads. It can help us reach both directions, dancing on the earth pulling us towards greater embodiment while helping us to reach the stars.

On the Two panel in our last gathering, I was encouraged to move into the slight experience of a contraction around my heart, which I felt when thinking about allowing myself to have needs.  I was encouraged to let my body express that.  You see pride, the passion of the type, would encourage me to straighten up, feel the armoring encase my heart as I  push against the contraction, lancing those pesky needs into oblivion.

As I allowed my chest to cave in around my heart, the tears came.  Sobbing, I allowed myself to go all the way into the smallest little ball of panic and collapse.  Then something else happened, I felt this energy turn.  The energy began to rise and my chest with it, just like bread, and there was a simple, clear and grateful ME left.  I was in touch with the life force coursing through my body and heart, my mind clear and aware.  It was truly a gift.

When we’re little, we easily express our feelings.  And it’s usually pretty raw…we rage, reach out for contact with a panicky cry, run away when we’re scared.  As we evolve our type structures in order to be socially acceptable, we stop having tantrums and start resisting these basic animal responses to stress or threat.  We do this by contracting on these responses, and therefore the life force as well, and we can experience this as we explore the passions or vice of our type.  Pride contracts down on my panic when I have needs because this feels like a potential risk to connection and approval as a Two.  My “orders”  are to take care of your needs to get approval, to get the needed connection.  So I cut myself off….literally, because the life force, is an aspect of my essential nature.

Working with our Enneagram type is like rolling around a stone in your hand and exploring it from many different angles.  As a Two, one of the well-worn spots in the stone is the shadow element of owning my needs.  Yet as I roll it around, the stone becomes worn with love, pain and resistance.  I polish the stone and as it smooths, the rough edges wearing down, I begin to appreciate its beauty.

The great news is that we can honor all of these aspects of ourselves.  We can bring awareness and kindness to our animal instincts, the structure and energy of our type structures, and CHOOSE to experience something new.  With the Enneagram as our guide, we can evolve!

The ability to cultivate kindness is the path to freedom, “enlovement” marries enlightenment, allowing us to meet all our experiences, every pain and joy, with kindness.  The path of enlovement is possible for us beacuse of the Inner Observer, the witnessing consciousness that evolves over time as we explore our inner landscapes and outer experiences.  Enlovement invites us fully into our human experience, allows us to bend in kindness towards all that arises, and is completely possible because of an essential aspect of you – the enlightened Awareness or the Inner Observer that is always present.

As I prepare for the next year of classes, the theme of kindness and enlovement will be weaved throughout.  If it’s in the Introduction to the Enneagram, Discovering the Inner Observer, the Energetic Enneagram classes or the Cultivating Heart drop-in gatherings, they will all be grounded in practicing kindness to all that arises.  This is true freedom.  It is not, as often desired, that the world conforms to your plans.   There is something in you that is already free no matter what the circumstances!  Discovering the Inner Observer, understanding the beauty of your type as the ecstatic creation of the Consciousness or Spirit itself as well as the fuel for awakening, life becomes a miraculous unfolding.  All of it!

A great way to begin this year of Enneagram study is to discover or deepen your understanding of the Inner Observer on September 17th.  This important class is sponsored by our Enneagram community of teachers as we build to Helen Palmer’s April 2012 weekend workshop in the Boulder/Denver area.  As Helen’s students, all our classes are held in the Narrative Tradition which brings the Enneagram to life through interview and inquiry of the nine types. The panel method quickly builds community and supports learning through the mind, heart, and body.

PRIMARY CONCERNS of the drives:

Self Preservation

• Matters of safety and security
• Survival issues (body, money)
• Seeks security and assurance in an intense way
• How do I meet my physical needs?

One-to-One

• A concern with the need for 1-1 relationships
• Issues of intimacy and sexuality
• Seeks intensity
• How do I deal with my peers?

Social

• Related to the need for social relationships
• Concern with place in group and belonging
• How do I deal with the group?
  

How we pay attention to our inner and outer worlds also differs depending on the drive and the area of concern.  Remember the Enneagram describes how we pay attention.  It works the same with the drive.  We are compelled to pay attention in a particular way to attend to the concerns of that drive. 

INSTINCTUAL DRIVE ATTENTIONAL STANCE

Self Preservation needs encourage us to pay attention inwardly and in a singular fashion.

Social needs encourage us to pay attention outward in a panoramic and inclusive way.

One-to-One needs encourage us to pay attention to the special other in a  focused and intense fashion.

(in gratitude to Helen Palmer, Terry Saracino and Peter O’Hanrahan for their information and teaching on this subject)

While I was meditating this morning, the gift was delivered.  Here’s the wrapping on the gift.  I’ve been feeling a sense of “too much” lately.  Not an uncommon experience in our Three oriented culture, especially during the high summer.  For me this feeling can include everything from too much work, too much fun, too much visiting with friends, and too many everyday chores.  I watch myself approach things with a resistant attitude.  “You (fill in the blank) are a burden.”  This attitude really sucks to put it bluntly.  My entire body feels heavy, my mind feels dull and negative, and my heart frustrated.  I’ve created a miserable present moment.

I’ve been practicing shifting this attitude.  Recognizing it, I can choose to lighten up, loosen up and adopt a positive attitude.  I can shift it right in the moment by contacting the felt sense experience of Presence.  This is exercising choice.  It’s a wonderful capability and I love it.  Of course, I do find myself choosing over and over because of the tenacity of this familiar pattern.  It’s good practice.

Let’s go back to what’s in the box.  The deeper question is what is it that fuels this sense of burden or too much? What I realized this morning was that my core belief that I’m “not enough” somehow is being projected out into the world.  There is not enough time, enough money, enough support, blah, blah, blah.  You get the drift.  Partly this has gotten stirred up from a teaching opportunity in which I did not “shine enough.”  I didn’t feel that I did my best work so “not good enough” arose.

I tell you, when the recognition of this projection, aka gift, arose in my heart, mind and body, I felt RELIEF!  I felt HAPPY!  I felt LOVE!  I saw a world filled with possibility and potential.  I knew that there is absolutely enough and I could align with it in me and see it in the world.  In the moment of embodied Presence there is no question of “not enough.”  Ultimately, every time we “wake up” in these ways, we evolve in consciousness.

There are more reasons of course for these core beliefs.  They give us a sense of identity for one.  These core beliefs support the type structure in its desire to create familiarity.  I could go on.  But this projection piece is an interesting angle to explore.  How do you perceive the world?  What are you projecting that has the possibility of shifting?   I encourage you to play with this for yourself.

Type 1, The Perfectionist: 

Attention goes to error and correcting error.

Stress in Type: become more critical or judgmental of self or other

Stress moving toward Stress Point:  turn their anger inward and become distressed or depressed or collapse into shame; feel indignant that their expectations are not being met

Overwhelm moving toward Security/Heart Point: becoming hyperactive or busy and unable to focus

Type 2, The Giver: 

Attention goes to the needs and wants or others

Stress in Type:  get busier trying to please others, flattery

Stress moving toward Stress Point: when their giving is not acknowledged can become irritable and attacking; blame and make demands; become controlling, distrustful and isolated

Overwhelm moving toward Security/Heart Point: collapsing into feeling shame and not good enough; feeling cut off and abandoned

Type 3, The Performer: 

Attention goes to task and goals, accomplishments and a successful image

Stress in Type:  get busier working on gaining approval for accomplishments and building image of success

Stress moving toward Stress Point:  procrastinate, become indecisive and apathetic; numb out with more work, drugs, TV, etc; become less productive and more inefficient

Overwhelm moving toward Security/Heart Point:  becoming fearful about what others are thinking about you and trying to get reassurance or give it to important others

Type Four, The Romantic: 

Attention goes to the longed for ideal, what is missing in the present, idealizing the future, and intensity and depth in relationships

Stress in Type:  get melancholy or envious about what’s lacking in self; feeling shame

Stress moving toward Stress Point: feel trapped and do what others want and can’t say no; try to manipulate others into loving them to fill their emptiness; deny and repress their needs; become dependent

Overwhelm moving toward Security/Heart Point: get more critical and judgmental of self and others; inner critic gets louder

Type Five, The Observer: 

Attention goes to potential intrusion (what is expected from others), intellectual pursuits, and the world of ideas.

Stress in Type:  withdraw into themselves and their thoughts

Stress moving toward Stress Point: become scattered and distracted; hide from feelings and relationships in multiple ideas, food, drugs or excessive activity

Overwhelm moving toward Security/Heart Point: deny what really needs effort by putting effort toward something they are competent; become more controlling and blaming of others

Type Six, The Loyal Skeptic: 

Attention goes to potential danger or what could go wrong and searching or certainty

Stress in Type:  become obsessed with all the possibilities in a situation; consumed with doubt; become paralyzed or conversely move toward risk

Stress moving toward Stress Point: engage franticly in activity to avoid anxiety; take on role or image to feel secure; become aggressive or rigid; tell lies about themselves to cover up or get ahead

Overwhelm moving toward Security/Heart Point:  distract themselves with inessential activity

Type Seven, The Epicure: 

Attention goes multiple options, the next interesting or fun possibility or fascinating ideal

Stress in Type:  become more scattered and frantic moving from one thing to another

Stress moving toward Stress Point:  become more critical and judgmental of others; lose humor; become obsessive, irritable and blame others

Overwhelm moving toward Security/Heart Point:  isolate themselves from world and their feelings; escape into books, computers

Type Eight, The Boss: 

Attention goes to power and control, potential betrayals and issues of fairness

Stress in Type:  get aggressive with their opinions; become angry and blaming; deny their responsibility

Stress moving toward Stress Point:  withdraw and take less action in the world; close down from feelings; become defeated or depressed; turn aggression inward

Overwhelm moving toward Security/Heart Point:  become overly dependent and emotional; collapse into shame and worthlessness

Type Nine, The Mediator: 

Attention goes to others’ positions, keeping the peace, others agendas and needs

Stress in Type:  get more distracted; collapse into feelings of worthlessness; try harder to control discomfort in the environment

Stress moving toward Stress Point:  become overwhelmed with anxiety and worry; become more self-doubting, suspicious, and passive

Overwhelm moving toward Security/Heart Point:  become overly focused on managing situations through activity; can become more blaming of others around all they have to do

SAVE THE DATE:  SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 10TH, is the next INTRODUCTORY ENNEAGRAM CLASS. TRULY, the best place to learn about the Enneagram or deepen your understanding.

Below you will find the text of last week’s newsletter in which I spoke about the importance of understanding our core beliefs. These core beliefs influence our perception at every level and how you perceive the world has everything to do with how you experience the world.  Is the world a friendly place, a supportive place or a dangerous place?  Check out my previous post Core Beliefs, Idealizations and Avoidances to get a flavor of what we’ll talk about.  The great news is that with awareness, understanding, and friendliness towards our perceptions and the underlying beliefs, we have the possibility of updating our psyche rather than living according to these old tapes.  Look forward to seeing you!

Wednesday, July 13th, is our next Cultivating Heart gathering.  We’ll explore the core beliefs that keep us bound to our type.

The Enneagram can help us explore the core beliefs that we marry with a “until death do us part” kind of attitude.  It was an arranged marriage that happened without our conscious consent when we were too young to know better.  Our loyalty to these core beliefs helped us find our way in the world.  It gave us our identity, like a ring on a finger can.  I am someone!  There was nothing wrong with this, but maybe you want something different…..

While these beliefs give us some sense of security, they can also be the basis of a debilitating relationship, with ourselves and with others.  Remember, you were married to them before you could choose.  But now you can.  You can choose to appreciate and cherish that early marriage for what it gave you and then you can say, “I want to try something new.”  While you may want a divorce, maybe you could settle for a change in the marriage contract.  This is probably more realistic.

We can consciously see how we limit our possibilities through core beliefs like, “I’m not good enough,” or “people can’t be trusted,” or “I will never get what I want so why try,” or “feelings are not to be trusted,” or…..you get the idea.  We can question the validity of these assumptions and decide differently.  To choose something new, you must expose the hidden loyalties.

Come to our next gathering and let’s explore these core beliefs and the limitations they impose.  There may be another way!